Becoming a new mom is one of the most wonderful and magical things (and tiring and exhausting and …..) any woman can experience. From the first moment of seeing the positive pregnancy test to watching how your body changes right before your eyes, it is a nine month roller coaster ride.
I recently was lucky enough to read an article from Hannah Westmoreland Murphy from Romper.com, 9 Things New Moms in their 20’s are so Tired of Hearing. I loved this article. It opened my eyes to the struggle that every woman seems to have during this happy time, no matter what age, unwanted thoughtless comments. This post was inspired by Murphy’s article and I highly recommend checking it out.
As I talked about in the post Top Things Nobody Tells New Moms, I am amazed by how many people (mainly strangers), seem to make the most inappropriate comments during pregnancy. Here are my top 10 things that I and older moms are completely tired of hearing.
1. You know, your not that young anymore
This one always makes me giggle. It’s like I don’t know my age are something. I have friends that had babies in their early 20’s and others who chose to wait for a few more years. It may be true that I don’t have the same energy level as I did when I was younger, but I have many other strengths that offset those years.
2. Are you sure your ready for this at your age?
The great thing about having kids a little later in life is that a career has been established which allows for a lot more financial stability.
3. How old are you?
This one is probably my favorite, in other words the most hated. It is usually followed by a gasping “wow” and a shocked look. Now I am not ashamed of my age, and honestly wished I could have had kids earlier, but life happens.
4. At your age it’s going to be really hard to lose that baby weight
Really? At my age? At any age it is difficult to lose the baby weight. Now many women are able to do it, but I was not one of the lucky ones (or really didn’t work as hard at it as the women who are successful).
5. Was your pregnancy planned?
As an older mom, this usually implies, “so this was an accident wasn’t it?” Planned or not, is my husband and my sex life anybody’s business?
6. We can’t wait for your new bundle to be part of our Circle of Friends
With the best of intentions, friends think that nothing will change, and really not much has to. But, with most life changing events, the “circle of friends” many times changes with a new bundle. Lifestyles change and sometimes it just doesn’t mesh. But remember, just because the “Circle of Friends” didn’t work out as expected, your friends are still your friends, and that shouldn’t change.
7. It’s time for you and your husband to enjoy each other
Isn’t it always time for you to enjoy your spouse? Yes, kids do make alone time a little bit more challenging, but I want to enjoy my husband no matter what stage of life I am in.
8. But all of your friend’s kids are almost out of the house
It is difficult when your friend’s kids are about to leave the nest and yours just entered it, but families start at all different times of life. While there might not be as many late nights with couples or long weekends alone, I get to witness so many of the firsts that my friends can barely remember.
9. Why did you wait so long?
I kind of want to slap people with this question. There are so many circumstances why people wait to have children, many completely out of their control. I know I have no desire to describe to strangers why I had to wait, and really it’s none of their business.
10. Kiss your retirement goodbye!!
Are children expensive? Yes. But people have kids every day, technically every 8 seconds in the US, and still have the ability to plan for retirement. I think it might be a better idea for those asking about retirement to look at their own first. If they have a plan and an actual retirement, then I will graciously accept advice. We have a plan, and though it may be slightly delayed by only a few years, retirement is in our future and it is going to be amazing!!!
No matter what time in your life you choose to start or continue your family, outsiders will have an opinion. Even though the hormones are flooding through your body, remember these comments are almost always filled with best intentions. Many times people don’t even realize how invasive, or rude, their comments are. Though the feelings may linger, the comments are short lived, and when your baby arrives, they will be a distant memory.