Just Shut Up!!!!  SAHM vs Working Moms

Screaming baby w text

I think I have officially had it!!!  I am so sick and tired of seeing demeaning comments by both Stay-at-home Moms and Working Moms.  It’s just ridiculous.  Guess what everybody, being a mom is hard no matter what.  And I don’t just mean being a biological mom, I am referring to being a stepmom, being a stay-at-home mom, being a working mom, being a single mom … and every other category that people seem to want to classify moms into.

I am a full-time stay-at-home mom that has started toying with the idea of going back to work.  Why am I doing this, you may ask?  I am doing this because I truly miss working outside of the home.  I enjoy business and I enjoy being successful at something.  I am only a good mom because I love my kids.  I am not a good cook, housekeeper and I am truly horrible at being the perfect “Leave it to Beaver” picture perfect stereotypical wife when my husband comes home from work each day.

So when I finally came to the actualization that I need to make a change, what did I do but start searching for advice on the possible emotional transition and advice in the blogging and online world.  And what did I find?  I found article after article of women trying to compare how one choice is better than the other.  I found very few women trying to be positive and those that were, were being belittled by other moms writing comments about how wrong they were and how that mom has it harder than every other woman on this planet.  That’s when I was lead to the epiphany “JUST SHUT UP!!!!”

Many people (women especially) may not like this rant (yes, I can admit that), but here goes nothing …..

Stay-at-home Moms (SAHMs)

Guess what SAHMs, just because a woman decides to go back to work (whether their choice or not) they are not bad mothers!!!  They are not being selfish and they are not choosing their careers over the children’s well-being.  They love their children, each and every one of them.  They are trying to make a better life for their children.  SAHMs get off of your high horse at school functions, teacher’s conferences, kids birthday parties and every other event where you may run into a working parent.  Being a mom is hard no matter what!!

SAHMs have made the decision to basically be around their children every waking moment.  This chose negates any day-to-day personal time.  Besides just taking care of their children (and possibly helping with others from time to time), their job is to do every domestic duty and not be paid a penny for those exhausting days.  While many days SAHM are completely unappreciated and may have time to time “mommy overloads”, they have decided to make this a full-time career, delay their future career or take a break from their existing career.  And if and when a woman wants to resume her career, she is looked at poorly for taking time off, with a lower salary usually than those with equal skill sets. But even though SAHMs do not earn a paycheck, they are lucky enough to catch most “firsts” and the first time their child truly learns to hug them, it feels like they just got the biggest raise of their life.

Working Moms

I wish working moms would get off their soap box and stop saying that they do everything that a SAHM does but in less time.  Guess what?  They don’t!!!  If they have an infant, toddler or school age child, they pay somebody (or have a family member) watch their child for them.  That is NOT doing everything in less time.  Working moms pay someone to watch their children because it is a full-time job to do it.  Also, don’t assume that just because a woman has decided to be a SAHM, that her husband must make tons of money.  Usually, the family is cutting coupons, and trying to do everything possible to stay on a very tight budget.  Working moms don’t assume that SAHM aren’t jealous.  Everyday when working moms go to the office, they have their very own personal space, time to focus on what is important to them.  Besides merely the work schedule, working moms usually have outside support systems to help them do it all. But when it comes down to it, being a mom is hard no matter what!!

Working moms have made the very difficult decision (whether by choice or not) to have a title outside of Mommy.  Working moms are amazing to me.  They are being an example to their children of all the possibilities that exist out in the world for them.  Children are able to witness and learn from their working mom on various skills, like problem resolutions and time management.  And when it comes to childcare, a working mom has to hope and pray that they are entrusting the right person to help raise their child.  Oh and the cost of the childcare, whether nanny, family member or daycare, the cost is daunting.  But even in childcare, their kids are learning skills that they will use the rest of their life, they learn socialization, sharing and problem solving.

Okay, I have just looking at both sides of the stupid SAHM vs Working Mom debate, and I continue with my initial thought ….. Just Shut Up!!!!  I realize that there are exceptions to everything but the point of this rant is that all moms are wonderful and no choice is easy.  Being every type of Mom is hard and we as women need to stop judging each other for our faults.  We need to start praising each other for our strengths!!

 

As a last thought…  My mom was a SAHM for a few years when my sister and I were young and later was a Working mom.  I will probably follow in her footsteps, but who knows.  She is my example of a great mom, and I am thankful everyday that I still have her in my life.  Thank you for being a wonderful mom and “grandmommy”.

 

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